Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
