So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
