Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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