mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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