We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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