dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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