toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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