even my farts smell like vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
