If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
