he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
