Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
