Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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