kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
