hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
