New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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