She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
