I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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