You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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