I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
