I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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