I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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