i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
