This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
