Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
