i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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