butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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