I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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