My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
