Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
