Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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