It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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