I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
