This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
