You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
