you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
