It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
