I think my vagina is haunted
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
