forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
