i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
