The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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