why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
