Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
