I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
