Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
