How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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