If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
