Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
