it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
