It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
