My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
