Porn is love you can see.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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