He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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