I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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