Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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