Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
