So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
