the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
