everyone is single if you try hard enough
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
