god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
