I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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