i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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