Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
im on a boat
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