Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
