just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
